Soctopuses, sausage fruits and sagacity

Life is a series of moments and now is now, while the last now is gone. If that makes no sense then welcome to my world.

The cough survived the antibiotics, laughed at them in fact and grew stronger. So I have been for an xray and tomorrow am off to discuss the result and to ascertain what I can take that will kick the damn cough into touch.

Meanwhile the garden has gone loopy: I have carrots that weigh 450 grams each ... are they edible that size? Also, I have the weirdest sausage tree, look:-

It's akebia quintata (5 leaves chocolate vine) in fruit ... honestly this odd plant has produced slightly unusual, somewhat disturbingly shaped and coloured fruit. However, it has been ripening in the sun (hah! what I would give to be a plant or a cat!) and today just split that teensy bit that showed it was perfectly ripe.

Edible, apparently, so I tried it ...

and actually, it's rather lovely! It's slightly sweet and elegant, rather like a non cold sorbet. It reminds me of passion fruit, except way less the colour of frog spawn! Although way more disturbing in terms of shape and colour.

Meanwhile, on another planet, MadMother has been driving me demented -- however, the nurse for Geriatric Mental Health has proposed a visit by the Consultant for Geriatric Mental Health and, fingers crossed, I am hoping that there may be a recommendation for anti-dementia drugs, within UK NICE guidelines, that may just aid my sanity and slow my mother's deterioration. More updates to follow after visit on Thursday 24th.

Finally, the most amazing news ... in the midst of mayhem and madness ... I entered Alice from Soctopus's competition www.socktopus.co.uk/blog/ . I want, I want, I WANT! subscription to KnitLoveSock Club 2010 so put my name down for the ballot. There was a twitter competition ... I entered and

TADA .... WON ... woo woo wooo hoo.

So!!! I now have a year's free membership - yep patterns, yarn and Socks!! Way to go and thank you so much Alice!

There is more to tell, like the madness of making kilos of damson jam (even though I don't eat jam) just to be productive and not to waste a crop the likes of which have not been seen before in this garden; the making of twin "pretty in pink" cardi's - so good I knitted them twice; the traumas of hubby's hopes to buy a small home from home in Spain; the pain of the fear that comes with SD's decision to continue her pregnancy despite her alcoholism; my pride in my DD for her hardwork and progress with the able and less able in her teaching career ...

But I have to blog more often or I have to choose how long these notes can be - so, for now, I shall send love, hugs and soft warm beautiful yarn hugs to you all. Silk, alpaca, qiviut and baby merino to you all and a small kiss on the cheek too. Whatever you are doing, here's a small spoonful of love to stir into the mix

xxx

And the beat goes on ....

... Although the pressure required to make the beat is way higher than it should be!

After another bad MM day on Friday, when she shouted at me, at the GP and the social worker, I left her, distressed and coughing, exhausted and all but beaten. I booked a late appointment at my GP and, despite my fears I would be dismissed with "post viral, take paracetamol and live with it" I went in and explained the nearly 5 week long cough, headache and fatigue.

The cough is a crackle in my lungs ... hopefully some antibiotics will clear it. The headache may be tension, or it may be sky-high blood pressure! I never have high blood pressure, low blood pressure is my body norm, but no ... stratospheric it was.

So, I am attempting relaxation techniques.

Attempting though as DH's DD remains a problem, I still worry about MM and now I worry about my blood pressure ... arrrgh.

Altogether now close eyes, think beach, hear the waves, breath in deeply through the nose ..............

....

and out!

Sometimes, just sometimes, hubby gets it right

I am all but dead ... being a zombie would be so much easier. I am tired, exhausted, fatigued and falling down drop dead bloody worn out. I am run ragged and on reactive respond mode.

MadMother has become so difficult I am thinking of moving away, for ever, with no forwarding address. So, when I got home on Friday and hubby told me he had a plan, I just nodded, cooked, ate, had glass of wine, went to bed.

When I got home on Saturday he had built a masterpiece. I now have a yarn room. A YARN ROOM! Not just stuff squeezed in a wardrobe, not just a cupboard ... but this ....

He knows that the OCD in me gets very anxious when I have no control over things in my life. He knows that the thing that soothes me is organising and controlling.

I had the best weekend for ages ... even though the weekend was only Saturday evening and Sunday morning.

I sorted; I organised; I labelled and I printed lists (not least the stash list from Ravelry). It was the best time I have had for at least six weeks.

My books are organised, my yarn is organised, my needles are organised and even my buttons are organised ....

Look .....

I have control, I have power. I don't have total control but I have some ... and do you know some is better than none.

Do you know what else ...

Sometimes, just sometimes, hubby gets it REALLY right! Thank you.

Interesting times

So where have I been I hear the clamouring voices (ok 10 words in and I have already admitted to hearing voices, whoops!) ...

Well, the old chinese curse is may you live in interesting times. Now all I have to do is find and kill the old chinese person who cursed me - interesting times indeed!

Life has become a soap opera. My husband's daughter announced she was an alcoholic (here I should say we had already noticed), announced that she was going to go to AA meetings (but didn't) then a couple of weeks later announced she was pregnant. He now has a daughter whose drinking binges lasts for days, a potential grandchild being drowned in copious, regular drinking bouts also being subject to 30 cigarettes a day, and he is distraut. Meanwhile his daughter's drinking has been so out of control she has been arrested and held overnight in the local police station ... what hope for the child? Having searched out Fetal Alcohol Syndrome I am crushed with despair for the future of this tiny abused foetus.

My mother has been having her own soap opera ... I have taken her to dermatology appointments (pre cancerous cells caught in time and zapped with liquid nitrogen); audiology - her hearing is no worse but she still keeps murdering hearing aids; the "eye" clinic - not only does she have glaucoma but is developing cataracts; and to the GP for her short term memory issues and habit of falling over (no alcohol involved).

However 3+ weeks ago she fell and broke her hip; so I have spent 21 days, £55 on parking, about £90 on fuel and visited her 3 times a day in hospital. I've done her washing, and written her notes about her exercises (referring to her notes helps her memory issues), I've chased the physios to push her, the Occupational Therapists to supply her with aids and I've kept her chin up. One sister has been supportive by cleaning her house, clearing paths and complementing my visits. The sister in Oz has sent love and fruit. Another sister has come and spent the past few days staying in her house after MMs discharge. Meanwhile I have been rounding up home aids, like carers, extra equipment, district nurse, physios etc. Happy Days!

My dearest Daughter's BF's grandfather has had a chest infection whilst in Austria, which led to a stroke and DD's BF's Dad has flown out there to be with him, missing family celebrations for his 50th birthday.

My DIL's favourite aunt has just discovered a lymph cancer at the distressingly young age of 52 and is waiting for a full body scan tomorrow to ascertain whether it is contained or is migrating.

Hold on there is more ... I have 4 sisters and a brother and there has been some falling out over the approach to adopt with my mother. I have a husband with whom I am perpetually arguing .. my problems or his both being too heavy to carry without rancour.

However ... I am knitting like my life depends on it (which it probably does) so sometime will upload the squillions and trillions of knitted things that I have cast on, knitted, cast off and sewn up ....

Meanwhile ... thanks for letting me take the load off and if you do have any spare fingers please keep them crossed for me, I could really do with a lightening of the load.

Love hugs and hoping for kisses back

xxx

Who is mad?

MM broke her hearing aid, whether wilfully or accidentally I know not.  But I do know it was murdered and, without it in she is murder!  

So, today, I took it along to the local hospital where there is a "drop in" repair session every afternoon between 2 and 4 pm. I sat there, along with the cast of Cocoon.  You come in, take a ticket - rather like those at the deli counter in the supermarket, and wait your turn.  My number was 70.

"70" was called by a pleasant looking attendant, "Booth 3" she said loudly, followed by "What's the problem?"  "My mother's hearing aid is broken" I replied.  "Sorry, about that" she replied "many of our clients can't hear and we have to shout!"

She then told me that my mother had inflicted a cruel and unusual torture on the poor implement - she had virtually ripped the battery holder, hinge and connections from their socket.  The technician was bemused that an 80yr old had the strength to inflict such carnage.  She obviously has never met MM.  So she went off, got a new hearing aid to attach to the ear piece - then with the most amazing computer interface aligned the hearing aid to the computer diagnostic of MM's hearing - amazing.  She gave me new batteries and suggested it might be best if I hide these from MM and in future I replace them.  OK.  So now I have a new job every week - replace batteries, instruct MM against wanton and cruel torture of her hearing aid, and check the damn thing is clean.

On the way back on what was a sunny May afternoon, I realised that I had spent it inside ... waiting on (excellent) repairs to MM's hearing aid.  Where was she, you may ask?  At the blooming seaside on a jolly with her geriatric and some friends, having fish and chips and a "small" glass of wine ...

Tell me ... who's mad??

Over 80 support group

There are days, and this is one of them, when you know your purpose in life is to be a supporting player. 

Today, on my way to meet MM, I met my 84.5 year old neighbour.  He's selling up and moving south, to be in a secure gated community some 3 miles from his only son.  The neighbour, Peter, is an ex WW2 fighter pilot, widowed some 7 years ago, who keeps a very neat and tidy house, who paints amazing water colours and some less than perfect oils; who makes me smile, but who is throwing in the towel on independance.  He also shared the awkward news that another neighbour has major kidney failure and requires regular dialysis - the poor wife is struggling, herself aging and trying to be 100% perfect in a carer's role.

MM, when I met her, was struggling and therefore, by association, so was I.  She perhaps had forgotten her tablets, so her grasp on life was slippy, but she was pleased to see me; as I was her. Still, the letters she sent me when I was young, the words she sang to console me, the times she hugged me and hummed my name ... all those things are out there binding me to her and giving me the encouragement to support her.  I took her home, hugged her, chatted to her cat, and drove home in tears.

Later I had a phone call from my late Dad's sister, who is now 83.  Jacqueline is well and fairly chirpy but begging me to visit her before she dies.  I don't know how I quite answered that plea ... but still, tonight, I've been checking the cost of flights from here in the UK to Washington where she lives.  How can I refuse her?

Thank goodness for the numbing mindlessness of daft online games like Zuma .. my current highest score 111,076, and for a lovely glass of wine.  Thank goodness for online friends who don't know me, so the guilt associated with remarks such as this is less ... I don't know you for real, so this isn't wholly disloyal.  Thank goodness for earphones and music, and indeed for ITunes Genius which does actually provide some pretty amazing playlists based on one song.

Haven't had the stamina to ring friends, haven't had the enthusiasm to pick up the knitting ... but hey dear blog still have the hope that lets me post the words and cast them out to the world.

Whatever you are doing and whomever you are doing it with have fun and have a little bit extra for me ...

Sending hugs

Phone calls from the hedge

So, this is MM (Mad Mother) who has had a great 80th birthday week-long celebration.  However, just to make things a little more interesting for me she has stopped taking her tablets.  

The tablets are to allieviate mood swings and depression; so today she telephoned her surgery to cancel a prebooked appointment at the hospital (for a hearing aid check up) - she told them she didn't want it, couldn't make it and they needn't ring me because I had dashed back to Australia.

Of course they did ring me, and I said I would sort it.  MM has denied the whole thing. Then she told me she wants to go to the bank to check it hasn't been losing her money, and she wants to do that with me tomorrow.  (The bank is as sound and honourable as it is possible for a UK bank to be).  I am really looking forward to the cringe factor.

She asked me to feed a cat balloon a tin of sardines - I thought she was joking so laughed.  She wasnt and became very annoyed.  

This is all succinct, but the whole rambling conversations went round and round and round and round.  Tomorrow I will go and check her tablets and if she has forgotten to take tomorrow's I may

 just use them as a suppository for her!

Meanwhile this is DGD no1, Ellie, in her favourite cardigan :) playing cricket ...  in the garden when my DS, DIL, 2 DGDs, DD & BF, 2 cats, my DH, MM and I had Mum's fourth 80th birthday party!

This is DGD no 2 (some 10 mins younger) Beth, in her favourite cardigan cat sitting (it was YoYo's first wander around my garden).

This is son and SIL, taken by one of the DGDs

This is DD and BF taking the cat for a

 wander ...

The game of cricket ...

and she's out!

Fantastic day ... nice enough to smooth over bad memories ... nice enough to remember for a long while!

Meanwhile, wherever you are and whatever you are doing, keep the good memories on file and bin the rest.

Sending hugs